Monday, March 28, 2011


its been nearly two months since my last blog and for that i apologize. i honestly have not really had any real motivation to blog. is that terrible?

I really have been "diggin" the message version of the Bible lately. It is just so life-transforming, i know now why it is such a huge thing in the church. it just isnt about the exact translation of the Bible.... its just so clearly contexted that it seems like its wrong translation and i think its a big source of people getting "offended" because its just such a wierd way of translating the Bible.(people, by the way, i have noticed, get way too offended by way too much and they need to calm down. wanna slap some of em.) its also one of the biggest life transforming versions of the Bible. its ridiculously easy to read.

Take, for instance, this: Psalm 46-

1-3 God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him.
We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom,
courageous in seastorm and earthquake,
Before the rush and roar of oceans,
the tremors that shift mountains.
Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

4-6 River fountains splash joy, cooling God's city,
this sacred haunt of the Most High.
God lives here, the streets are safe,
God at your service from crack of dawn.
Godless nations rant and rave, kings and kingdoms threaten,
but Earth does anything he says.

7 Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us.

8-10 Attention, all! See the marvels of God!
He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,
Bans war from pole to pole,
breaks all the weapons across his knee.
"Step out of the traffic! Take a long,
loving look at me, your High God,
above politics, above everything."

11 Jacob-wrestling God fights for us,
God-of-Angel-Armies protects us

I love this portion of scripture. i love the phrase "God of the Angel Armies"... and most of the references to God in the Message are as that-- which made me excited when i got the Bible. God has really been just amazing me with his goodness lately. He is just so good. and so loving. i love reading this Bible and seeing JESUS in a new light and reading it as if im watching this movie about Jesus via text in a Bible. its just so awesome. God has been really talking to me alot about my identity as well lately. I got this awesome set of words back about a month ago at a conference at church. Bobby Connor said a profound word about him seeing more of my identity. it just struck me cause thats exactly what God had said to me the night before when i went through a fire tunnel (and caught on fire because i was SO HOT , i could feel steam rising off me)... God said to me, himself, "i am going to be transforming your identity." the next day, Bobby said that to me. in front of my entire church. i have been rocked since that weekend. just a few weeks ago, Bonnie (love that woman) said that she saw something else about my identity. She said that she saw my dreams that have been given up---as a seed that has fallen to the ground and that when it hits the rock, it splits and out grows my identity. amazing. so awesome. i am so thankful for her. she said to me (just a minute after telling me that word) that she prays for me every day. i can feel her prayers every day. i think about her alot. to know that she is praying for me and my family, who she knows is not here with and she knows me by name, which is just--wow- cause she is internationally known.... but that makes me think about how God thinks about me all the time! HE, the king of the world, creator of the universe, healer, deliverer, redeemer, protector----- thinks about me and watches me 24/7!! !WOW what a concept. makes me feel so little. i love it. God watches out for the sparrow and for his children. OH HOW HE LOVES!!

check out this song, which i just love: (JesusCulture and Chris Quilala)

God has been really speaking to me alot about IHOPKC. I need to just go pray for a few months. it has really been testing my faith too because i really want to just go pray for a few months but i literally am terrified about not being able to pay bills. i know that is the dumbest fear in the world because-- as i said, the Lord will never leave his children if HE has called them. so my fear about money is really minor in God's eyes. i have alot of bills right now so i guess i cant see past the end of my checkbook--- but i literally am scared to not work. i think its cause my dad has a huge work ethic so it is ingrained into me and its part of my DNA. at the same time, i know that it wont last forever and the only thing that really counts in the end is our relationship with God----so, as you can see, I am torn. my heart breaks when i think about the virgins with the oil lamps when Jesus said to them "i do not know you." so im really thinking. some things have opened up to me in terms of a place to live even for a couple weeks this summer. so i am thinking about it, i really am. its just a hard debate, because of said work.

i am attending a women's retreat in May, one year to the date of my joining ANC, which is just amazing. cant believe have been there as a member for a whole year. i am so excited about this women's retreat. I wanted to go last year and was almost not able to go this year but God has pretty much MADE me go. God was like "remember how bad you wanted to go last year? I want you to go this year. you need a beach retreat with women and especially with Mama. I provide for every need that you have...." well, yea, he does! it costs about $225 to go and as of right now, i am completely paid off and im READY! i did it very quickly and i am amazed at how easily i paid for it. its hard because taxes are due too so i am kind of crunched but i know it is very much worth it. i need this time. it is worth it to pay $225 to hear pastor Bonnie speak for two days. she is priceless and i am loving hearing her speak at any given just really excited. i am driving 3 women in my new car (which, i did get-- the Nissan Maxima...) and im really excited to hear testimonies and get to know the women better in the church.

other than that... just family stuff is going issues but i know that God has a way where there seems to be no way at all and i am so thankful. the Lord is so good and so providing. I love what i do for work ( a christian call center,,, crazy callers but i like it overall--- and the gym, of course).

people have been asking me about potentials for marriage/dating/etc... NO. thats pretty much all i should say. the Lord has NOT said its ok. in fact, He said just the before you go asking me if i have found a husband........ no. just no. theres no one here who God has brought, he has told me a few times that he is JEALOUS for my attention right now and that my GOAL is to be HIS LOVER. He has asked me to pursue and love HIM as if HE is the ONLY husband ill ever have.He literally asked me to do that. so, no, there is no one who is in my life in that way. a few cute little panfishies but no real catches! :) sorry, wedding planners! and, at this rate, i dont really care anyways..... just doesnt affect me anymore.

i had the women who came to visit me and kidnap me to bring me to ANC when i first started going.... BEST visit ever. love those women...... they light up my life. just such a blessed conversation, made me realize how much i miss my friends-- and btw, im going to try to go to VT this summer sometime. i hope. :)

the Lord is so good and i just love him...he continually amazes me.... and that's about the summary of THAT.....
hopefully itll be less than two months til my next post. HA. sorry, kids.

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