Sunday, October 31, 2010

October. and Hephzibah.

Its November 1 already? well..... heres a pro-side, ill be 21 in less than 24 hours. :)

October was an insanely amazing month full of God's grace and provision. God was constantly showering me with love. He dropped $500 on me, i got to see my family, there were crazy things that were happening with family when they were here (free parking...), i recently found out that i can be put back on my dad's insurance (no more for me!), God basically paid my insurance this month, and ive had an interview for a new job (just praying that goes through), prophetic words that God was teaching me how to cook and write without lines and He is showing me color again... just amazing, little blessings here and there. just amazing.

on the flipside, God was also speaking to me alot about Hephzibah. not only was the scripture being randomly flipped open when i opened the Bible... it was this scripture:

Isaiah 62:4 (Amplified Bible)

4You [Judah] shall no more be termed Forsaken, nor shall your land be called Desolate any more. But you shall be called Hephzibah [My delight is in her], and your land be called Beulah [married]; for the Lord delights in you, and your land shall be married [owned and protected by the Lord].

BUT Then.... the wierd parts.... i would see the word EVERYWHERE.... in fact, just tonight at the Morningstar harvest fest a guy was reading as part of a prophetic word to another girl.... then my friend went to a Hephzibah house in NYC a couple weeks ago... my other friend Olivia wrote a blog on IHOPKC and i went to read it and the title was Hephzibah... just word after word after word. i love how that happens. i would look up in the room and that word would be on the wall, i would read a book and the word would be in the book. WHAT? really? honestly? HEPHZIBAH? but i mean, come on. it signifies something HUGE. His delight is in ME. HIS delight is in me. His DELIGHT is in me. His delight IS in me. His delight is IN me. His delight is in ME. WOW. DANG. when you really think about it, its powerful. its intense. its crazy to think about. HIS DELIGHT IS IN ME. I delight Him! i make him GIDDY with joy! HE cant contain himself! with who? me? wretched soul? really? yes! thats the amazing thing.and i say, "heck, no, God. Im so not worth your attention". and hes like "oh yea, ya are. really. you are. YOU ARE SAFE HERE. THIS PLACE IN MY HEART IS SAFE". i am learning about the safety of his heart, hes just not going to drop me after he finds something gross in my life.He's just gonna go after it, burn it, and move on. He just loves me that much. cause HE delights in me. i wrote that word on my arm in pen the other day, on my wrist. HEPHZIBAH. that was a very anointed day. God was all over that. I looked at it and saw the significance and i have a picture on my phone of it on my wrist.

amazing huh? its just mindboggling what it means and when we apply just rocks my world. i love my Jesus. GOD, teach me how to love you even more. teach me how to be obsessed with you.

the words of this song are awesome but the tune is whacked so ill spare you and just share the lyrics:

Beckah Shae
Hebrew: Hephzibah (My delight is in you)
Isaiah 62

So I woke up in the morning, with only one word on my mind.It was given to me in my sleep, and I knew I just had to find,The meaning, the answer,The reason for this mystery.Oh, and I knew it came from you,Cause I felt this overwhelming peace.
You said I am a Crown of Splendor!You said I am a Royal Diadem in your hand!
You’ve called me Hephzibah.You’ve called me Hephzibah.I’m no longer forsaken,Oh but to know! That you delight in me,And you call me Hephzibah.
So I was once desperately, insecure and desolate,With damaged dignity,In all my sins and faults and bruises.Trying to find my beauty, seemed impossible to me.Till you came and took my shame,And dressed me up in your Glory.
What magnificent exchange,You’ve adorned me with Your name.Your beauty for my sin.And here I stand not just forgiven,But dressed in royalty, as you rejoice over me,As a bridegroom for His bride.Now I can see you and how you really see me.

He is really taking me through an intense season of identity and healing right now just from stuff in the past that has held me back and the things in my heart that i or others have been set on me. i was with my housemate and two of her friends tonight at their house (ive been with them before..), and it just felt GOOD. God was like "go ahead, be YOURSELF and nothing less". it was just fun. we just watched a movie. but I felt at home. i dont know. God is just beautiful. Hes in a season right now of just restoring relationships and circumstances in my heart and in my life. its harvest in my heart and i can feel it. Jesus, you rock.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

youve ravished my heart. i want you. i love you. i delight in you.

Thank you Bekah for this song. it has wrecked my world. God has completely been speaking alot about love lately. theres been an increased season of harvest and favor on my life just this month- tremendous increase of finances, God basically paying my bills for me, little things just coming up that end up being a total answer of prayer- and i can feel God's heart just saying "i love you. i love you. you ravish me. you delight me. you are mine. Will you marry me? i don't regret choosing you. i am not shocked by your struggle. i am not disgusted or ashamed of you. you are my vessel, you are my chosen one. i will bring you to the end in strength. i see a strength in you when you can only see weakness in your life, but i see the end from the beginning. you barely just begun! so few will ever fight the good fight, even if you feel you are losing....." its just been total words of affirmation from the Lord. an amazing amount of favor on my life has been just tremendous. The Lord's hand is strong and mighty to save. He loves!! He is just LOVE. Real Love doesn't compromise! Abba doesn't compromise! He wants the best for His children! for His bride. He is not asleep, like an unresponsive man who sits in his chair all day and sleeps, responsive only when we wake him and when we need something- no, God watches His kids! His Bride! We have ravished his heart and he is overcome by his creation. its amazing really. its completely messing up my desires. any desire to even get married eventually (to an earthly husband) has been completely crucified. I am overtaken though! i don't even care! The Lord has taken me away into His garden and I am overcome with Him! His Love has overcome! His love has possessed my heart! His love has overcome my core! He has grabbed my heart and is doing surgery on it--- He is my cardiologist! He has ravished my heart and I have ravished His! He has made His proposal to me and I have accepted. He is so jealous for me right now, I am just feeling it so intensely. I feel waves of fire whenever i see Him, i see Him in his throne with waves of fire. i have to let my intellecutalism go everytime i think of Him. i used to have to take "hours" to get rid of the "block".... and i just have to unscrew my head now. the gospel is so simple! its so easy! its so THERE, we just have to be willing to sacrifice it all when we see it, and when we REALLY see it, its not a sacrifice, its more a desire to let everything go.


Saturday, October 16, 2010

you violently chase me, down to embrace me.

The Lord has really really been speaking to me alot about love. about incessant, everlasting, real love. LOVE that never fails. He is really showing me about how HE loves ME. I was watching a clip from the passion when he is carrying his cross up that hill, the hill of Golgotha where he would breathe his last---- and in the entire clip-- i saw nothing but love. what does love look like? what does that word mean? incessant, never-changing love. the love that pursues, the love that tracks us down. the love that draws us. shows us that he really is all we need. when we are looking at nothing but turmoil all around us, the love that makes us look up to heaven and call upon the name of the one who is never changing. the kind of love that makes us look a little crazy, sometimes neurotic. the love that makes us pursue this invisible God, the love that makes us look at the stars and see the amazing constellations-- to scream at the top of our lungs, "GOD, YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!" the love that makes us WANT to go to a disease ridden country, with witches and sorcery and crazy laws---- just so we can go LOVE on them like HE loves on us. The Love that suddenly makes the Bible just come alive. The Bible has become so alive lately to me. i read about Jesus and i just smile-- "THIS MAN IS MY LOVE! THIS JESUS THEY TALK ABOUT, ACCUSED, WHO HEALED AND PROVIDED--- THIS IS MY LOVE! THIS IS MY ETERNAL ONE! THIS IS MY HOPE!" He is so faithful!! we sometimes never see that. this love that literally made our chains fall off, the knives fell out of our hands and we stopped bleeding inside. the love that we feel tingling on our back when we sit out at the lake with a full moon. the love that suddenly rises to joy. we realize that His love is really all that matters and we can suddenly laugh in the middle of any situation-- financial, family- whatever is going on, we can LAUGH in that place! we can see JOY in that place-- and laughing breaks the curse! joy breaks the curse of any bondage the devil is trying to throw at us. we are NOT to partake in suffering when we are walking in joy. we have to laugh! we have to laugh in the face of the enemy when he throws crap at us. what does love look like?

check out this song:

“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been asking of You

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet

Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love

He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die

oh jesus, what does your love look like? to the starving, its bread. to the thirsty, its water. to the orphan, its family. to the broken, its the lonely, its a hug.....

just continue to pour it out, sweet Lord.... how i love you!