Wednesday, May 18, 2011


so.... im back to "reality". i had the best time this past weekend though... i had fun. i laughed so hard i got a headache and my face hurt. at the same time. yea. i talked to so many people, got to know them, hung out..... yea. best weekend ever. we have so many ridiculous jokes.

i work at a Christian Call Center in Fort Mill. I was asked several times the last 2 weeks to pray for people who want the gift of tongues-- which was sparked by a minister who we work with. I even was asked by a man to speak in tongues so he could repeat it because he was "a little nervous". I refused (and later found out that several others were asked the same thing by this man). I told him... "I can speak in tongues and, yes, i believe in tongues, but I will not speak it to you because I feel uncomfortable, and Its something that the Holy Spirit alone will do and it will not be sparked by another person". Tongues is not something that we just start saying without the Holy Spirit initiating---- and sometimes tongues is not necessarily our spiritual gift. sometimes the Lord does not bestow that gift on certain people. Tongues is not something we may understand but its not something we NEED to understand either. The Holy Spirit made people speak in tongues in Acts 2. check this out as well:

God's various gifts are handed out everywhere; but they all originate in God's Spirit. God's various ministries are carried out everywhere; but they all originate in God's Spirit. God's various expressions of power are in action everywhere; but God himself is behind it all. Each person is given something to do that shows who God is: Everyone gets in on it, everyone benefits. All kinds of things are handed out by the Spirit, and to all kinds of people! The variety is wonderful:

wise counsel

clear understanding

simple trust

healing the sick

miraculous acts


distinguishing between spirits


interpretation of tongues.

All these gifts have a common origin, but are handed out one by one by the one Spirit of God. He decides who gets what, and when.-- 1 Cor. 12:4-11 MSG

Tongues is only ONE of these gifts. not the only gift of being baptised with the Holy Spirit. Tongues is not synonymous or proof of the Holy Spirit's presence in your life, and Tongues is not a gift to be sought after-- its a GIFT, not a right or even a requirement.

anyways, my 2 cents....

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

i got that faith....and the dresser.

so... i got the dresser. yea. its blue. its beautiful. im so excited. God totally dropped in my lap. its a coordinating bedside table, dresser (6 drawers) and mirror. its fully functional. i got it for free. yea. i know. im blessed :) i painted it and finished it in three looks great with the drawer pulls.


i leave in three days for my beach weekend with Pastor Bonnie and the ladies at All Nations Church. im so excited. i cant even tell you. ive been so anticipating this weekend for literally 2 years. i wanted to go so bad last year but it didnt work out. This year, i KNEW i was going. I KNEW how bad I wanted to go, and God basically wrote the check for me. and God was the one who MADE me decide that i was going to make the effort to go, and do it. i just want to spend time with ANC women, to just SPEND TIME being a member of the church and to love it. Im so thankful that I am. I just celebrated my one year anniversary of being at ANC and i am so thankful. that God led me there, that God brought amazing spiritual parents into my life where I dont have parents around in SC, God gave me an awesome family of wonderful spiritual mentors, sisters, brothers-- a FAMILY-- the family that I miss having. I had that family at MCC and I loved it. Its what kept me (partially) sane. it kept me mostly sane, actually. I miss having that constant support system and all the love around. I honestly dont know where i would be without MCC-- the dance team, the laughter, sleepovers, parties, prayer meetings, constant love.....-- and now i literally would lose my mind if it werent for ANC. This church means SO much to me, its not even funny. I love that the members of this church recognize me for being an adult. MCC, i grew up there so its strange to think that i am a woman now with my own goals and dreams and what I want to do and be.... cause i was there for so long. i got a fresh start at ANC, and I started right. I am so glad i was mature when i started coming (well, mostly mature). I just know that God brought me to ANC and now that I am actually IN it and living in it ( when i can)--- its amazing how God is bring opportunities for me to get more involved. I get messages alot from coordinators asking me to volunteer my time, I get even more responsibility at conferences and its wonderful. i love it. I love being able to just serve in that area. I love that I can serve the people at ANC, the staff and--- most importantly- my pastors. I have such a high amount of respect for both of them. I admire and look up to them so much and i am so thankful that they see me for me. I am thankful that they hold me to a high standard-- non verbally, of course-- but still a high standard. I literally was a mess when i came to them. Thank God for smart pastors. Dr. Bonnie saw the ailment, had her "ah-ha!" moment, and promptly put me on a strict, long term prescription for constant "healing from on high" scripture to be played in my room as i slept- specifically her husband speaking out scripture. I played that CD every night for about 5 months. things dramatically improved. I was thrust into "rehab"-- a home with 5 girls and a house mama. for 6 months, i lived, ate and BREATHED in restoration. I gained sisters, a SC mama.... and a dog. who loves me. HAHA. thats when i realized really how much the Lord loves me. its a process---- but its proof.

anyways. yea. im excited. so theres my testimony/exposition.
other than that..... im just really evaluating my life right now.... been so busy with work and stuff, im exhausted. im sick of living for me right now. i want to live for Him. and Him alone. cause isnt that what it all boils down to?
is HIM.
yea. i know. i thought so. i need sleep. :) night!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

again... its been awhile.

Hey there. i know, its been awhile since ive written anything. ha. sorry.
So, as some of you know, its been a crazy past few months. i havent had time to breathe. let alone blog. I moved yesterday into a house of girls, again. i needed to be with girls the entire time. i moved into a much bigger room with a walk in closet (which is actually now full of CRAP because of all my moving boxes, one day these will all be cleaned up!! i need more sterilites!) i literally walked in the door, saw the house and the room that i am now in, saw the closet and was SOLD. I signed the papers, went back to the house i was living in, and packed it all, and moved all the stuff over and unpacked in about 6 hours. yea. wow. im still amazed and the adrenaline rush is finally slowing down!! i didnt know i could move all my CRAP over in about 6 hours. its just amazing, i so was praying about being with girls. the Lord knows what i need. and he was more than happy to provide. the girls are great. theres a family of 4, and then 4 girls (2 are m* students). the only thing i need right now is a dresser/bureau. i really would like one that i can paint myself. i am currently having all my clothes in sterilite boxes and i dont like that. i need a dresser, Jesus. thanks.
so yea thats kind of what Jesus has been teaching me lately. about having this ridiculously mustard seed sized faith-- but the fact that its a tiny seed, it can produce a much bigger harvest. when we have the faith just to say, "HE KNOWS. HE KNOWS. AND HE HAS THAT MATTER IN THE PALM OF HIS HAND. HIS GREAT LOVE COVERS IT ALL AND WE CAN REST IN THE FACT THAT HE KNOWS AND HE IS TAKING CARE OF IT...." wow! wow wow wow!! what a joy!
what really has been huge lately in my life is Jesus' perfect sacrifice, this sacrifice that Abba made for us who were broken, abused, messed up, addicted to drugs, angry, alone.. he made the sacrifice for those who would never accept his perfect gift of love, too. those who outright reject JESUS, are still loved. its incredible what I have as a free gift in Jesus, yet I sometimes completely flip it around and say how much I am hated and how alone I am--- yet Jesus is completely overtaken by love for me--- He holds my world in His hands. He holds my tears in His hands even though i sometimes outright rejected Him.He CHOOSES to forget my faults and my guilt. and he still calls me His!! wow!! that truth overwhelms me to my core. i am so thankful for a merciful God who is completely and desperately in love with me, literally to the point of death!! I love that He is planning our wedding, knowing that just about anything He does will knock me off my feet! i cant wait to see Him face to face.
so anyways :) thats whats up. just the usual, ya know. work. i leave for the ANC Womans retreat in a bit less than 2 weeks and i am STOKED. completely STOKED. I dont really know what I am looking for in this but i do know that i need some beach time for real. i have been aching for a beach for about 2 years now...
Jesus, you are so good. i love you.