Tuesday, February 1, 2011

God loves me, even though I'm crazy.

Been awhile :)
the last few weeks have been a total whirlwind of activity. they have really been some of the craziest weeks of my life. between a full work schedule (even more than full), errands and normal life stuff, i have had to move and get a new car figured out all at the same time. I moved this past Saturday, only taking three car loads (all i have) of stuff, and i got it all in. the people are great, i just really miss my girls a lot and i miss Duke, and its really hard to separate from the Wagner house of girls. its definitely a time of transition and I have a feeling God is separating me right now so that all that healing that happened on Wagner can now manifest. It was a very healing time and It was very very good. its just very intense to digest, especially six months in a "retreat" type home.
i work at a call center during the day. it definitely has its ups and downs, and the people are awesome, don't get me wrong. i love it. but there are for sure some crazy callers. I had a guy call yesterday who requested prayer because he was convinced that the enemy had a incredible stronghold over his life (And im sure, with the amount that he was talking about the enemy, that the enemy DOES have a huge stronghold.) I hate to say this, but with the rate that the enemy was being glorified by that man, you would think that the guy WANTED to be possessed. seriously. im not kidding. the guy was completely talking about the enemy having control over his finances, over everything in his life, how he was trying to kill him, etc. I asked the man, "you do know that the Lord is stronger than that, right?" and the man said "yes, i know" then he lept right back into the bad stuff, I felt SO incredibly slimy! what my heart was screaming was, "DO YOU KNOW THAT EVERYTIME YOU MENTION THE ENEMY's NAME, HE IS GLORIFIED? STOP! STOP! JUST STOP!" i was sickened by the amount that the enemy was being glorified and talked about. i felt so sick. the enemy needs to just be left alone! be aware of the enemy but dont talk about him having strongholds, that just lets the enemy know that you are SPEAKING that into existance!
i get other crazy callers, too. suicide calls, calls of dad's finding their 12 year old sons doing bad things in their parents room (really), husbands cheating on wives, homelessness, starvation... the list goes on. its a normal thing to have a sob story. its sad, but its true. it happens. but as i listen to these callers, i realize why the Lord has various types of ministries, and why the church system works. we are all crazy! we all have our crazy little habits, our little pet peeves, our little quirks and stuff.... yet God adores us.my brain goes about 300 miles an hour most of the time (except for right after i wake up) and slow people drive me nuts (thats what is the most irritating about some of the callers, too, they are 95 years old and have no idea how to read a credit card. very irritating sometimes.)yet somehow,some way, God has this crazy love for the little quirky people. those people who never had a "traditional" life. God has this crazy space in His heart for those who have been orphaned or left by one parent, ive noticed. God really loves the orphans. and those who work with orphans see that! Heidi sees that, with her hundreds of children in the bush. George Mueller. the orphans in Asia. God loves the orphans! and those who run the orphanages are the crazy ones too!! there is no such thing as "NORMAL" or "STATUS QUO" anymore.

But God's grace quickly frustrates all such dreams. A great disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we are fortunate, with ourselves, is bound to overwhelm us as surely as God desires to lead us to an understanding of genuine Christian community. . . . The sooner this moment of disillusionment comes over the individual and the community, the better for both. . . . Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial. -- D.Bonhoeffer

i dont really know where im going with this. anyways.

everytime you think you are a little off your rocker, thats ok. its normal to not be normal :) dont feel bad. God loves you anyways.


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