in the silence.

So, as some of you know, my car died. completely. 2 weeks ago. I was at an intersection in Pineville (between my house and my work), and Beatrice decided that she had enough of living and decided to finish her life right in the middle of the intersection. I thought, ok, its freezing, i may be low on gas. I ended up getting a gas can from another driver and trying to fill it up, nope. there was a cop behind me, and he tried to jump my car with my roommate's. nope. so, thus, my car sat in the Bassett Furniture store parking lot for 3 days until I could get a tow truck to get it to my mechanic friend. mechanic said it was totally shot. I borrowed a friends car for a week, and have been pretty desperate in the search to find a new one for myself. looking online, talking to the mechanic about the best options, talking to my dad and my dad's best friend..... its been a very hectic 2 weeks. VERY hectic.
i went to a car sales place in Rock Hill yesterday. the guy who had a Sentra that i was looking at was really rude, but i decided to check out the car anyways. I brought the sentra up to the mechanic, brought it back, and there were a million things wrong with the car. I was searching yesterday for certain cars, and just couldnt find "the one". I had borrowed my roommates car for the day in hopes of finding one... seeing as I am on a time crunch and really need to find a car as soon as i can, to no avail.
Very, VERY, VERY frustrated with myself for pretty much wasting my entire day off looking at cars unsuccessfully, and very irritated cause i couldnt find "the one", I just started bawling. right in my roommates car. I was so beyond tired, and annoyed at this point i didnt even care. I hadnt slept (still havent) in about a week, and so frustrated because I really didnt even know where to look.... i was just sobbing in the car. so frustrated. I didnt even know. I was just like "God, i need a car. i give up searching.i HATE depending on people for rides and, especially so close to Christmas, i have way too much to do right now...."
i felt the Spirit of God so thick in that car...it just fell as soon as i said that. I instantly felt such a "WHOOSH!" of the Father just looking at me and saying to my anxious heart that has yelled in desperation to him so many times before, "I have your back! you know i love you, you know i have the one. I cant give it to you unless you surrender it to me!"
suddenly there was such a peace about it all.
I came home and was kind of excited actually, knowing it was just around the corner....
lo and behold, my dad's best friend is going to look at a Nissan Maxima this morning, which is the best deal we have found thus far, and I have a really good feeling about it. heck, it even has a sun roof... and thats a secret thing that i would really love.
and, its only $1k above what we were intending to spend.
nice.
im just praying right now to see if its THE ONE. if so, i may have a new car in my possession/my driveway before new years.
all because God just told me to give up this entire thing.
His presence is so thick and so strong.... and i just love Him so much. He brings my heart such joy. my world, my schedule, my life is crazy insane right now with work and this car thing and now a few other major things....but every day he just refreshes my tired body and soul.... and i just live day by day.... its teaching me real dependency on Him.
it sucks sometimes but its so worth it.